she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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