take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
i need some magic done to my vagina
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
