Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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