I wish I could teleport
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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