I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
