one word: firstdatebathroomanal
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
