And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
