remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
All the doctor said was why
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
