I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
