two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
