I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
