What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
there is puke in my bra ... again
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
