he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Randomize
