i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
