69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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