We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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