I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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