oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Randomize
