Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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