woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
