He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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