Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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