it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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