you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
