i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
