drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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