My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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