it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
