No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
