There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
