I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
