This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
