This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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