I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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