new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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