I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
