Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
