When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
