i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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