I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Randomize
