im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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