the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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