you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
