In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
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