I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
