Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
