Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
