i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
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