This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
