You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
i drank out of a bidet.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I am available for nakedness
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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