im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
