Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Is Oprah even human
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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