Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
